2015 certainly was eventful.
With World War 3 almost breaking out several times, terrorism striking at the heart of Europe, oil prices plunging to levels not seen in a decade, and several mass shootings which shook the world, it would be easy to conclude that 2015 was an absolute and utter clusterf*ck!
However, that’s not the whole story. There were some cool things which happened, too. The Hoverboard actually became a thing, landmark environmental agreements were reached, and the world learned once again that Filipino women are the most beautiful in the world, even if Steve Harvey did crown Miss Colombia by accident.
We at NineStein like to get reflective at this time of year. Another sun circuit has been and gone, and a brand new, blank canvas is right around the corner!
We’re excited to see what 2016 brings. First, though, let’s look back and review what happened in 2015 in this list post (even if it isn’t over yet).
9 Biggest News Stories of 2015
(1) The Charlie Hebdo Massacre
2015 got off to a pretty bad start for Parisians when on January 7th, just as some were getting back into the swing of things in the New Year, a group of sick, twisted sons of bitches kitted out for Vietnam round two walked into Paris and decided to massacre an entire team of artists who created humorous satire pieces in the form of cartoons.
Almost the entire Charlie Hebdo team was eliminated when a group of Islamic terrorists, who shall remain nameless since we don’t believe their filthy names deserved to be recorded in the history books, opened fire in the offices of France’s most controversial magazine.
Clearly these retards didn’t get the memo – when you come to Europe you embrace the principles it was founded on – Freedom and Liberty to say and do pretty much whatever you want except massacre people en masse.
This was an extremely sad start to the year, but the people of Paris rallied together and unified like never before. Out of the darkest night comes the dawn, as they say.
Still, without tensions in the Middle East heating to a boiling point, many were left wondering: Is this the beginning of the end?
(2) The Germanwings Disaster
What do you get when you take a mentally unstable individual off his meds and put him in the cockpit of a jet moving at hundreds of kilometres per hour across the skies of Europe, with 150 people on board?
You get a flat out disaster! When Germanwings flight 9525 co-pilot Andreas Lubitz decided he didn’t want to live anymore, it wasn’t enough for him to go out alone, so he decided to take the entire group of innocent people who had placed their trust in him to deliver them safely home with him.
This was one of the most saddening stories of the year, because it turned out when all the dust had settled that it all could have been prevented if only the pilot hadn’t decided to take a whiz. Sadly, he did, and Lubitz decided to take the opportunity to lock him out of the cockpit and send the plane into a nosedive over the Alps.
We all know that mentally unwell people are more to be pitied than despised, but an act of evil on this scale is slightly more than mental sickness in our books. Sometimes, someone is just an evil, twisted moron. We believe Lubitz fits that bill nicely, don’t you agree?
(3) The European Refugee Crisis
Guess what happens when you topple several savage dictators who are holding the reins of their very fractured and divided nations, then pummel the absolute crap out of said nations with bombs and bullets?
You get the Middle East in its current form. Western nations (mostly the ones who actually didn’t start this) are paying the price for their sins as Europe is inundated with wave after wave of hungry, desperate refugees fleeing from the chaos the West helped create by destabilizing the entire region on a foundation of lies and deceit.
Who can blame the refugees? If a terror group which crucifies people for blasphemy was going toe to toe with a dictator who thought it was fair play to drop barrel bombs on civilian populations in my back yard, I’d run, swim or tunnel my way out of there, too.
The refugee crisis is a terribly sad testament to what happens when the powers that be stick their noses where it doesn’t belong and topple the same dictators they helped to build up and rule their nations with an iron fist.
Hopefully, 2016 will see an end to the suffering of the Syrian people and the defeat of ISIS and the end of their catastrophic, ill-rared doctrine of destruction. The Syrian people, and pretty much everybody else, deserve to live in peace and stability again.
(4) Gay is OKAY…and Legal!
Every once in while, something positive happens which makes the news.
In a landmark decision, the US decided to enter the 21st century and legalize same-sex marriage, allowing millions of couples the freedom to spend their lives with the people they love, free from dogmatic and outdated structures of long-gone societies and irrelevant, fictional books.
The significance of this story was not lost of tens of millions of Facebook users, including founder Mark Zuckerberg, who decided to tint their Facebook profile pictures with a rainbow flag to commemorate the occasion.
Critics argued that the step would open the floodgates to polygamy and even bestiality. Here at NineStein we thought “So what? Each to his own!”
(5) Oil Prices Crash
In one of the most spectacular price dives in recent history, the price of oil crashed from well over $100 per barrel to $35. Many believe that in 2016 we’ll see $20 a barrel.
While this is all good news for grandma trying to fill her oil tank to stave off the bitter Canadian winter and people who wish to drive across the USA Jack Kerouac style, it could mean disaster for the world economy if it continues unabated.
With key oil exporting nations like Russia, Venezuela and now even Saudi feeling the pinch, how long will it be before an unstoppable domino reaction unfolds as the entire house of cards comes down around us?
Of course, that will never happen since Saudi Arabia just have to turn the taps off a little smidgen to correct things. So far, however, they are showing no signs of relenting.
How do you say “KEEP HER PUMPIN!” in Arabic?
(6) Water on Mars
Could this perhaps be the most significant news story of the century, or do we at Ninestein simply need to get more engaging hobbies?
Forgive us for our over-enthusiasm, BUT WATER ON MARS IS A HUGE DEAL.
As if sending a robotic rover to another planet and roaming around was not newsworthy enough, extra spice was added to the rice when space explorers discovered evidence that the red planet was actually host to water.
We all know what that means. Lock your doors and bolt your windows, cause Will Smith isn’t gonna’ save you when the mothership actually comes.
Of course, we’re kidding, but seriously….water on Mars!
(7) Hoverboard Becomes a Thing
In a move straight out of a science fiction flick, the Hoverboard became an actual reality this year, sending millions around the world pummelling off the pavement as they attempted to balance themselves on the latest trend in personal transportation.
Because walking is simply not good enough for human beings, Hoverboards became the latest wildly popular trend, but it turns out that there are actually two types, one of which is called a Hoverboard but actually is not a Hoverboard, while the second version is. Confusing, we know, but then that’s what marketers do best.
Rapper Wiz Khalifa was actually arrested for using his Hoverboard in public, and several of the earlier models burst into flames randomly, leading to many people asking the question “Is this a good idea?”
Nonetheless, we predict Hoverboards are here to stay, and you better watch out because 2016 might see a grown ass man hurtling down the street towards you in mid-air unable to stop himself, probably while texting.
What a world we live in, eh?
(8) Paris Massacre part 2
As if the pricks who started the year on a downer in Paris weren’t bad enough, Paris part two was doubly deadly and downright terrifying.
An ISIS-inspired hit team opened fire on and killed 130 people, including concert goers and Parisians sipping coffee at streetside cafes, devastating the city once again.
While several of the perpetrators were killed and captured, the alleged ring-leader is currently in custody alive and well, but we know his co-conspirators are waiting for him the hottest corners of the bowels of Hades, with pitchforks rammed right where the sun don’t shine.
He’ll be joining them soon enough. Until then, Paris is pretty much on lockdown.
(9) Climate Summit in Paris
Finishing this list on a high note, politicians from around the world decided to extract their digits from their bums and actually do the job they have been elected to do: protecting the people from plain as day threats and putting the well-being of humanity before profits.
The Paris Climate Summit saw world leaders finally sit down and hash out a deal on how to prevent the planet from reaching a boiling point and extincting humanity and most other forms of life on earth. It only took them 30 years of denial, but they got there in the end.
Will they live up to their words and usher in a green future for all?
Come on…we’re dealing with politicians here… you didn’t think it would be THAT easy, did you?
So as we say goodbye to 2015, which was a rather sad year all in all, we begin to hope for better things in 2016.
Could we see peace in Syria? More economic progress? Barrack Obama and Vladimir Putin doing the Tango together and being buddy, buddy, paly -pal? A female, democratically elected head of state in Saudi?
We’ll just have to wait and find out. Whatever happens, we’re sure it’ll be an eventful year. It always is!